Saturday, 2 February 2013

Building up my problems to the size of a cow.

Well I am out of the miserable slump, which is nice not only for myself but for pretty much everyone around me who's had to put up with it in recent weeks.

And feeling refreshed and energised and positive and motivated I have near on scheduled every hour of every day, so I am constantly doing something useful. That's the plan anyway. I even scheduled a lay-in this morning, which was a very nice thing to do for myself. Although it appears that I am so bloody organised at the moment, I'm forgetting to do things like eat and use my inhaler. So perhaps I need to take a step back from the super-scheduled lifestyle.

The last-first week back has finished, and I am 7 days closer to the end. I haven't decided whether I'm terrified or very excited about this, but I think I keep swinging between the two. What I do know so far is that the two modules I've had seminars in so far have been so very useful. One infinitely more so than the other, but I think I am feeling prepared and ready for this semester.

I want to do more and be more active within my field of study, and I think all this business of doing things is spurring me on to do the right things that I should be doing. Having lots of time off is great every now and then, but for me personally, knowing I have hours and hours of not much means that it is a lot easier to put off the things that really need doing, because "I'll have time later". If I have three hours on a Wednesday to do some Dissertation research, then I find myself doing three hours of dissertation research because that's all I have. So this insanely busy attitude seems to have snowballed into PRODUCTIVE ATTITUDE. Which is a nice discovery.

After my Great Weepy Week as it shall henceforth be known, on Mother's advice I have put together a 'make me happy' playlist which I now listen to whenever I'm feeling a bit crap and it makes me feel good again. It's little things like this that can be surprisingly useful in keeping up the positivity.

Although I keep hitting relatively small snags and bumps so far in my future-plan, I seem to be very positive about it. I'm excited at the prospect of finishing my degree and moving on to bigger and better things, but I'm also aware that the time I have left is limited and I want to try and cherish what I do have. I'm still a student, and this is the time when it's acceptable to go out dancing in a bright-red wig and order enough takeaway for two people to hit the delivery charge, just because it's easier than having to get dressed and go out and collect it. I want to look back on these few years and think 'Uni, what a fucking awesome time'. Crikey, if I'm paying this much for it then I might as well get some good memories on top of a degree and all.

I've been sorting out train fares for the Open Days at the School I plan to study at. Which is very exciting. I know it doesn't mean anything, but just the chance to be there fills me with even more excitement than the prospect of an Open Day at my current University did over three years ago. I'm going to be walking the halls.

My biggest dilemma currently is how I'm going to fund my MA. If someone would like to give me £20 000 in the next couple of months then I promise I'll pay you back when I'm making cinematic feature films. If I take out a loan then I have to pay it back on top of rent, bills, travel and food. If I take out an overdraft then I have to pay for it on top of rent, bills, travel and food. If I get a scholarship I'll be really fucking lucky. A fresh undergrad? Yeah not likely. But nevertheless, I shall continue on!

And continue on I shall to bed. Goodnight.

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