Friday, 16 December 2011

Hey little train, wait for me.

Its usually at times like these, when procrastination is at an all-time high during an evening, when you find yourself thinking about things that couldn't be further from the subject matter at hand.

I feel like I'm on top of everything, carrying on nicely, moving on, up and away.
When it comes straight back.
Right to the centre.

8 years.
And what's so different from last year?
In some ways, I've hardly changed. But in others, so much so I feel like I'm hardly recognisable.
I doubt any recognition now.
Always the adult.
Always working to right mistakes.
How one person's actions, decisions, change the opinions of all.

I can only hope that adulthood will bring rationality on their part.
Because, God knows, you've never had any.

I'm supposed to be moving on,
How can this keep pulling back.
Frustration more than anything.
I feel very little for this now.

And there's the less-occasional outburst for this quarter!
Venting over,
Back to reality.

Gosh, its ever so angsty.
Clearly still haven't lost that emo-part of hattiFATALE quite yet.

Thursday, 15 December 2011

So I can be free.


Are often worse than the deadline itself.

Thursday, 8 December 2011

O Children, lift up your voice, lift up your voice.

So, once again, we are back in deadline season.
Of course, reprompting me to write on my blog as a major effort of procrastination.

I am about to write an obligatory moaning paragraph.
If you are sensitive to such moaning issues,
Please feel free to skip on ahead.

My shoulder popped out again and I'm sure I've trapped something in it.
Still haven't got over the last wrist dislocation.
My fingers are all popping at will now.
My thumb has a weird dimple in it.
And I have no time to sleep.
Literally, I am only at home to sleep, shower, gather food and return.
I'm like some kind of academic primitive warrior.
Warrior - because it makes it sound more fun.
Well, unless you count the ridiculous amount of junk food
I've managed to justify eating.
I'm going to nut anyone in here that isn't here doing work
My brain is actually just sloshing about inside my head.
And I can't see properly even with my glasses now.
And that has nothing to do with my slight lack of sleep.
Damn you essays.

(Rant as in slant, chant, plant; not rant as in ant.)

Every single point raised above can be:
- Fixed
- Gotten over
- Improved
- Ignored
But essay-season dictates not.

On the upside,
I can completely justify downloading another HP Soundtrack.
Prisoner of Azkaban, of course.
And 'O Children' by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds.
That is, sadly, not included on the official HPDH7.1 Sountrack.
And it does make me want to dance and cry,
But in a good way.
Its going to be a definite train song I think.

Also, Writing and Film student friend of mine
Has expressed interest in collaborating.
Which would be mega cool and halve the time
I end up spending on pre-production.

By expressed interest I mean we have got a picture of a donkey
And given it a company name.


I'm moving house on Friday.
When I say "I'm", I mean my my mum is moving house on Friday.
I'm in lectures in the middle of the day,
And will be getting a train home to help unpack.
Hence the mad essay-dash a week before the official deadline.
But it is VERY exciting, I'm so excited for new house and the move!
I just don't have enough head-space to function that part of me right now.

I wish I could get the Knight Bus.
Just for the lolz really.
I can't wait to get into Pottermore,
Having head to work ALL day, EVERY day of the Beta testing opening week.
So I'm having to suffer along, not knowing my house or wand or anything.

I'm much more open-minded about which house I'll be in.
I'm actually leaning more to Slytherin than ever before.
Probably due to my new-found love for Draco Malfoy.
But there are actually some really good house traits there.
I will wait for a time when I am not running full speed in essay-land, to list these.
And my preferences for other houses as well.
I'm more of a SlytherClaw right now.

Good night.

Tuesday, 15 November 2011

I got soul but I'm not a soldier.

Two songs in a row came on the radio today, reminding me of Glastonbury Festival 2007.
Amazing experience, I would definitely encourage anyone and everyone to go at some point in their lives.
It was by far one of the muddiest years that we were there - I lost my wellies in the mud at one point, and danced barefoot to Shirley Bassey in the middle of a muddy field. But that's besides the point! Some people get a bit freaked out about festivals, especially about the general hygiene of the situation, but you know what? Everyone there is in the same boat. No one brings a portable shower with them. Everyone is wet-wipe bathing, no one has particularly clean hair, make up is put on top of the old make up of the day before, the only clean clothes put on are underwear, and yet it is one of the best weeks/weekends you can experience in a summer.

Hoping to go to Latitude with some friends this year, provided we save up enough for tickets! But in any case it'll be so much fun. True, you do end up buying tickets before knowing who'll be playing, but with Latitude, and in fact any festival, it doesn't really matter. You're going for the whole experience, and in my opinion, good bands and artists that you love are just a bonus. Part of the fun is discovering things you'd never know about. At Glastonbury, I fell in love with The Rumble Strips and saw some hilarious acts in the Circus tent, made tiny clay festival goers and met my favourite band at the time, The Horrors. At Latitude I saw some fantastic poets and theatre, discovered Kirsten O'Brien off SMart is a hilariously filthy cabaret host, was amazed by Grace Jones and finally got to see Regina Spektor perform.
Festival Discovery - its a beautiful thing.

I'm working on a couple of film projects as well.
So we'll see where that takes us.

Sometimes I worry I enjoy the pre-production more than the production.

Monday, 14 November 2011

Love love is a verb.

BEST Children in Need song in a long time.

Time to say goodbye.

I genuinely get quite emotional over this.
This girl can SING.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

This is our reaction.

Big steps and baby steps.

I wrote a letter to send but I'll rewrite it. I can't make up my mind about this. But it's not my place to, and I need to remember that. Either way, it doesn't matter. Its the right guidance that does.

I'm attempting to rise above writer's block and get the chuff on with it. My career is bigger than this hiccough! Struggling with inspiration. Desperately. We went for a midnight walk around town, and though I still remain inspiration-less, I could at least clear my head. So much going on that I need to package up and put away. I don't need it to affect me and I need to shake it out in true Florence + The Machine style!

Deep and reflective today. Not sure why. Happy Sunday.

New hair. Back to the old but on with the new. And a different kind of old. A new kind. Onwards and upwards and all that jazz.

I'd really like to get on a train and go and spend a day somewhere. Not sure where. Just somewhere else. And write. Just keep writing. I need to get past this inspiration block so I can start everything again. I don't want to be held back by all this. Which sounds really down, but it's not like that. Not suffocated as such. Just a need to spread wings again.

And I REALLY want to see Adam Ant when he comes to play the Corn Exchange.
Make. My. December.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

And it's contagious.

Every time I remember my blog, I delete every single thing on it and start again. And considering I forget my blog pretty much every month, there's never too much to be seen here. BUT NO MORE. I'm going to make a concerted effort to actually TRY this time. Haha.

So I'm still planning on becoming a professional filmmaker some time soon. And plans for going to NYFA are coming together. The only problem is I have no money as of yet, and no time to find money or expand my showreel. Which I need to get on to. I definitely need to get ORGANISED. Which would also be useful.

It's times like this when I get stressed about things without realising, that I really start to doubt my own abilities. I want to make films because I love it, I'm passionate, and I'm proud of the work I put together. It's a real struggle to rise above criticism of wanting to work in the film industry and study a creative degree, and still maintain a confidence and positivity about my ambitions. Having said this, there's very little that will stop me from having this career. I'll always have this drive and passion, no matter what.

So I need to buy more memory cards, write more, edit more, and make some actual time. I won't get anywhere through slacking!

Halloween was very exciting, especially in new house! We decorated, we dressed up, we drank more than practical, we created an almighty mess, and we suffered a little today! Beautiful. For all of our faults and flaws, the house itself included, this is a brilliant place to be living. I am genuinely very happy here. I just need to get back into a proper work routine!

I have recently reminded myself of my intense love for the wonderful Regina Spektor. She's marvellous.

And I recently had the opportunity to see Laura Mulvey speak in Cambridge. A complete honour, and very exciting to hear such a great theorist speak in Cambridge. 

so I'm going to get back to career-obsessing... 
And definitely having some fun in the mean time.