And she needs you, this is for Matilda.

So the customary pre-Christmas ill-zone has already set in. I'm putting this down to doing too much and not getting enough sleep. I think I quite easily forget that rest can be fairly important, which can be a bit of a pickle when you then find yourself ill. But there we go!

I have a Christmas playlist on Spotify, and have been listening to it solidly on repeat for the past week. This has made me very happy. I seem to have been overcome with Christmas cheer this year, and I'm not sure why. I'm just very excited about it.

Currently slogging my way through the last of my assignment work for uni this year - most fun in the wake of the work staff party last night. It was a brilliant evening, and I was honoured to be voted the winner of 'Best Customer Service' and 'Employee of the Year'.

But I suppose my procrastination is running amok and I'd better get back to writing about whether video games have beginnings and endings.

You are now watching Voldemort. Don't let me get to Hogwarts...

Now is the time to panic, and I feel justifiably so.

Eventually my dissertation hysteria will sort itself out. I'm sure of it. I think.

But let's not talk about that right now. I'll just panic more.


To be honest, there's not all that much to talk about at the moment. I'm calling this a welcome distraction from all the things I should be doing.

But there's a lot of exciting things happening soon. So I'll just get on with those...

Like a warm drink it seeps into my soul.

Naturally, I should be researching and writing and planning and note-taking and doing all manner of useful things.

However, I have Fresher's Flu and therefore have a very substantial reason to feel rather pathetic and not get out of bed. It seems to be rather brutal this year, and coupled with a twice-dislocated knee that means using crutches to get around everywhere at the moment, this has not been the best of starts to my final year at university.

Which is daunting enough in itself.

It all feels rather strange at the moment, because I'm only in for two days a week so I don't yet feel like I've properly returned to University just yet. I have almost finalised my title for my dissertation, and already have a plan in mind for my Independent Film Practise module, so things are looking to be less stressful than I was initially anticipating. Ask me in a few weeks and I'm almost certain that will not be the same outlook.

I have had a short burst of very good fortune recently, and as such I am waiting for my new camera to arrive. It is a very fancy, very exciting and very brand new camera, so I am quite filmmaker-nerdy over it at the moment. It should be here within the next few hours. Most exciting.

I'm not entirely sure what else I have to write about at the moment. That's new anyway.

I am still seeing a very wonderful someone, which is still making me terribly girly at times. And incredibly happy. And I am planning on it continuing to do so.

As President of the Harry Potter Society: Order of the Ruskin, I wish you a good day, and remember:

                   It does not do to dwell on dreams
                                                                And forget to live...

. . .

Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head.

Obligatory update for a moment in time when I should really be doing something much more useful.

Right now, I should probably be asleep. But sometimes it's just much more relaxing to put some words down that an occasional internet-dweller may stumble across.

I'm thoroughly enjoying my new job. I've been there over a month, and it has yet to break me down as everyone keeps promising! I like to think I have a positive attitude, but we'll see how it is in the next few months...

I posted last time about a fairly amicable break up. This has, fairly inevitably, turned sour, and has only been aggravated by the living situation. It can be difficult to handle at times, but it's fairly easy to look at the situation as an adult and deal with it in the right way. I refuse to be brought down to a certain level, and will rise above any and all of the ridiculous, false and derogatory claims made about me.

This has easily been impacted by my current outlook on life. In a relaxed and philosophical manner (and completely unpretentiously...) I am going through a steady process of removing any negative forces in my life. It's been steady going over the past year or so, but I'm still working at it, and hope to carry this attitude with me throughout my life. I think this whole feeling came from a realisation that I certainly don't need to waste my time and energy on people, events and areas of my life that no longer hold any positivity. And as such, I've made some difficult decisions in moving away from things and people that were once very important in my life, weighing up the pros and cons. Sadly, it can often mean that difficult and negative times can far outshine the better times, but with an uncertain future to plan for it would be hard to drive forwards when feeling held back by these emotions.

With this in mind, it means that some difficult decisions must be made within my current situation. It initially seems sad, but on a grander scale it can only lead to better times and better opportunities!

This does all seem rather pretentious, doesn't it? Positive/Negative forces is the only fully-rounded way to describe the attitude though. I hope this makes some kind of sense, no matter how garbled!

In other news, I have met a very lovely someone. This is all very exciting and fun and wonderful and is making me terribly giggly and girly, and he is truly amazing. He buys me flowers and quotes Shakespeare, he discusses Film (with a capital 'f') and theatre at length at all hours of the day and night, he's interested in my work and plans as much as I am with his, he sends me beautiful music, and he seems to quite like me too. And he's really rather gorgeous. He's away for a little while at the moment, which is a bit of a test and an eye-opener, seeing as this has only been going on for a few weeks. But things are very good. And I am very happy.

And (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman just came on my playlist. Fitting?

I'm really very excited for one of my closest and dearest friends who has literally just made the Big Move to LDN, for fantastic opportunities and excitement, and I am so very happy for her. I can think of no one more deserving of such a promising break.

I'm also steadily trying to avoid a DISSERTATION meltdown. Things are not currently panning out as expected. But it will get resolved, I have no doubts.

Things are most definitely on the up

x

Read all about it.

This week has been utter madness.

I feel like every time I write on my blog, I'm generally start with how insane everything has been lately. BUT it seems like things are starting to slow down a little bit, and hopefully, just maybe, normality can resume.

I'm working at a large chain cinema and actually, surprisingly, really enjoying it. I'm working with a great bunch of people, I always enjoy working with the public, even cleaning screens and toilets are ok! Despite a bit of shaky start with training and inductions, it all seems to be going really well, and I think this is going to be alright for my final year.

And the bonus of free tickets just seems to make everything that bit more useful.

I have moved into a new house, which is brilliant because my rent is SO much cheaper, which of course means I will finally have some money to do important things. And lots and lots of fun things. I'm still desperate to go to the Studio Tour at Leavesden, and I'm gutted I just haven't been able to afford it. But hopefully now things will calm down and the money will pick up and I'll be able to go! I think the most disappointing thing this summer has been a complete lack of holiday. A few of us were all going to go somewhere sunny and beautiful and relaxing for a few days, but sadly it all fell through. It was fine and completely understandable, but I think I'm still a bit bummed about it. Seeing all my friends posting pictures of their adventures on facebook and the like is bound to cause a bit of holiday-envy! I think with all the stress and everything that has happened over the past year or so meant that I was definitely looking forward to getting away. But there we go. I suppose there's always next year.

I am now a single lady once again. It's sad, but sometimes things just don't work out the way you think they might. Thankfully it wasn't a particularly messy break up, but we both happen to be living in the same building so things are bound to be a little awkward at times. But we're both adults and hopefully we will both be able to move on with our lives as friends.

I am currently putting together a plan for a potential mini-Film Festival, that I've been talking to one of the managers of the cinema I work in about. This is very exciting and will mean a lot for my career and opportunities, so I will update more on this once I have a firmer idea of what will happen.

I'm still writing my Mills & Boon. 

x

And we will never be afraid again.

So everything is entirely nuts at the moment.

I have a new job, I almost have a new place to live, and I'm researching for my dissertation. I'm also finally writing up my shorts that I hope to be able to put together.

Everything is so crazy I feel like I barely have time to breathe. It's all very exciting but very stressful, and I keep crying a lot which is mostly just irritating.

I have finished two freelance pieces, which is very exciting. I hope to be able to do more, mainly for experience.

I so desperately want to get to NFTS as soon as possible. I have no idea where I'll find the money, but I'll find a way. I have to.

I plan to get into the edit suite once I've spent a reasonable amount of time away from it, to be able to edit together a short showreel to be able to post online.

That's about it for now.

But never ever on a Sunday a Sunday a Sunday, 'Cause that's my day of rest...

Welcome to the July 2012 edition of What's Going On In Hatti's Life!


Oh that sounds ungrateful and sarcastic. It's not meant to be! There seems to be a huge amount of very exciting things happening to me and around me at the moment so I definitely feel it's appropriate to write it all down in a sensible list.
At least for my own sanity...

1. I have just been hired by Cineworld!

I'm excited to finally have a job again! It'll be a week or so before I have an induction and actually start working because The Dark Knight Rises release will mean utter madness, so that's pretty kind of them really! It's going to be pretty tough, I'll be going between commuting in and out of Cambridge and staying with people, but I'll work it out.

At the end of the day, it means I'll have a job through third year which is immensely important now that I can't afford my rent from September. And I don't just mean it'll be a little bit tight or I'll have to cut down on going out and buying new things. It's a very daunting prospect that I won't be able to live in my house and eat if I don't work, particularly as there will be so many other things to concentrate on through my final year at University. I'm possibly more scared about it than I'm willing to admit, but I'll find a way. There's not really any other choice!

And ultimately, I'll be working in a cinema! Hello film student!

2. I'm picking up some freelance work!


This is very exciting, because it means lots of experience and good things to put in my Portfolio! I'm currently in Cambridge editing a 50th Wedding Anniversary video, which is pretty much complete now, for a close friend of ours. I was so touched that they asked me to put together the film for them to play out at their Anniversary celebrations, so I hope they like it!

And I'm about to start editing Wedding footage as I had the honour of being the videographer for my cousin's wedding last week. An amazing (and slightly terrifying) experience, but I can't wait to put it all together!

And I was recently asked by a major national crafting company to produce a tutorial video that will be used on their website and official channel. So lots of good things coming my way! And hopefully it will all look good on my portfolio!

3. I had a successful interview for Watersprite Film Festival!


Which means I should be on the Events/Hospitality team from September until the Festival's completion in February! SUPER EXCITING! Particularly given the calibre of the guest speakers who come in to give lectures and workshops through the weekend, AND as their closing speaker was none other than David Yates last year, which I had the pleasure of attending and was blown away by his passion and enthusiasm and dedication. His talk inspired me like nothing else, and has since spurred me on to get going with my film career, so really I suppose you could put all these exciting things down to Mr. Yates.

So hopefully lots of networking opportunities! I'm planning on getting some business cards together around September, so my aim is to get my film blog up to scratch over August and get a proper showreel edited together and uploaded. Then, lots of thrusting them out to anyone and everyone who'd be vaguely willing to take one!

4. My dissertation is progressing!


I've finally narrowed down my topic and decided on my main focuses! It doesn't sound like much, but considering I began with all plays, refined it to simply Shakespeare, and then narrowed do all Shakespeare plays to just three - I'm quite proud!

I'm now looking into what to do for my practical supplement which will sit alongside my written dissertation as an appendix of sorts. The sooner I have this nailed down the sooner I can begin development work on it, write it all up and cast it! My plan is to have this finished by Christmas - which includes filming and post-production/editing.

My general plan with my dissertation is to have my first-draft Introduction finished by the end of September, first-draft Chapter 1 finished by the end of October, Chapter 2 - November and Chapter 3 - December. As long as I have a first draft of everything finished by the end of December/Beginning of Semester 2, I will be very happy indeed. And well on course!

5. I have received approval for two Film Clubs!


I'm trying to gain as much experience as I can in the area of film, and not necessarily all practical filmmaking. So I have taken the initiative, and sent out letters to several schools in my local area in Cambridge, and I'm very excited that two have contacted me and are both eager to get me on board! My aim is to help students explore the world of Film Studies, and promote the industry of Film particularly at this time when so much is being cut within the British industry.

My plan is to go into these schools fortnightly or monthly, and screen a film which will be followed by a discussion after. I will devise three different themes for the school terms, most likely 'Mainstream cinema', 'Independent cinema' and '"World" Cinema', and will have a series of prompt questions to try and raise some debate and analysis.

Schemes like this are important and can develop many skills that are not only relevant to Film, but can be applied to all areas of life. So I'm hoping it will be successful! I'm waiting to hear back with some definite plans and decisions, but it all looks good so far!

6. And perhaps the most important: MASTERS APPLICATION!


I plan to begin the process in September, and have a few ideas in mind for the pieces that will be included on my application. It's terrifying and utterly exciting all at the same time, but this is what I'm aiming for!

Just got to work hard enough to get there!

7. I am writing lots, which means I can kickstart my showreel again!


I have had a major slump in this for quite a while, but I'm excited that I'm now actually pushing forward and getting those words on the page, which will turn into screenplays, cast, location, shooting, editing, and ultimately short films!

Its really important to find the time to do these things, because at the end of the day this is what I'm basing my life around. So I'd better bloody well do something about it!

8. I start Third Year in a month and a half!


Which is so daunting and scary and exciting and worrying and terrifying and fun and nervy all in one!

There's not really too much to say about this, just that I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to fit uni around everything else I have going on. But, I will hopefully be graduating with a 2:1 next year. I would love love love to graduate with a first. So much. But I'm not sure that's a likelihood anymore. Ah well! I'll be super chuffed with a 2:1!

***

Well, I think that's everything. I'm sure I have a life in there somewhere.

Perhaps.

I walk down the lane, with a happy refrain.

I was going to begin this post with moaning, but I couldn't be bothered to fine-tune my whining into a comprehensible waffling. So I've bullet-pointed:

- It's very late/early in the morning for being awake and sober.
- I have a bizarre headache that disappears when I tilt my head to the side.
- I will undoubtedly be waking up to neck-ache.
- No matter how many times I read paragraphs at the moment, I cannot seem to retain any useful information for my essay and subsequently my presentation due in 9 days.
- I miss the rain.

So there we go.

My fan fiction is going ridiculously well.

I finally bought an external hard-drive so I am filming again.

I'm writing.

I'm prioritising.

I am planning a future and working for it.

And what I'd really like around about now is a big old thunder storm.

Here comes the sun.

Or at least it did for a while.
And now it's gone again.
But that's ok.

So I'm in charge of the household tonight. Quite enjoying this, though! I forget how much I enjoy being by myself sometimes. I think that's why I can get so claustrophobic and a little suffocated at times, I often end up feeling trapped. Solitude can be a blessing at times. I also think this may have something to do with living in a city now. I miss the countryside.

On the upside, I'm rewriting my future plans. I realised earlier that I have only discussed this, such a life-altering issue, with a select few people. Three to be a precise. I'm not sure why. I think it's more about doing this for me, now. No big song and dance (I'm listening to a musical playlist at the moment).

I'm working so hard on so many projects. I've been so anxious for quite some time, I really felt like everything I'd been working on was just slipping away. I hadn't been able to get back into things for quite some time, and now I'm back, on top and ready to go. So much going on, and I'm ready to keep going with it all. I need to get back into the practise of it all swiftly, as I'm videographing my cousin's wedding soon. I've been bulking up my showreel as well, so this is really beginning to move forwards. I'm just trying to prioritise my university work as well, so I have a decent degree to graduate with.

I'm just so passionate about my career. And I have this incessant fear of failure with it all. Not in the sense that I'm scared of rejection. That doesn't bother me, its healthy and will just spur me on. It just terrifies me that I'm putting my all into this and if it doesn't work out, I'm left with nothing. There is literally no alternative, I'm not working with a plan B, I don't have a fall-back. This is it. This is my life, and my future, and sometimes the doubt creeps in.
I just need to learn to get a better handle on it.
I have talent and determination.
There would be not point in doing this if I didn't.

I should get on with the university work plan.

We came here to rock the microphone.

I've FINALLY got an external hard drive!!!

Hello to space, Skype and video editing again!

Let's talk about you.

Somewhat relaxed on the update front. I'll leave it up to you, dear reader, as to whether its because I've been far too busy to post, or because there simply aren't enough interesting happenings to post about at present.

I'm currently writing as I travel back home on the train again. I seem to spend half my time on trains lately, but I find this is no bad thing. Trains provide that liminal space, the anonymity of communal journeying, that gives enough mental space to expand on any passing pondering. 'Passing pondering'. I quite like that. If/when I create yet another blog, which is largely inevitable, I will endeavour to name it such. I almost wish my journey were longer, I seem to write much more freely and fluently when travelling.

In other writing news - I'm still piecing together the general base outline for my dissertation. And still attempting to devise a witty title. I have also, finally, descended into the realm of fanfiction. After spending a good year reading masses of the stuff, apparently I feel accomplished enough to attempt my own. I shall not be posting the stories themselves here, nor shall I let slip my username for you to find them. To be perfectly honest though, should you know me well enough it should be fairly easy to guess what it might be, and anyone who has happened to come within the slightest vicinity of my being can surely assume which fandom I am delving into. I have just had an outline beta-ed rather enthusiastically by a dear friend, so we'll see how it goes. Evidently I am no serious writer but judging by some shockers I've come across, this is no requirement.

I have also hit a rather large writer's block when it comes to my films. I have generally hit a large and entirely impenetrable wall with all my creative endeavours it seems. This is pretty much a big fat lie, I'm just not doing anything. At all. And it is immensely infuriating.

I am also holding onto hope that I can live in the same room next year. I will cry, very much so, should my landlord choose to refuse me. Although this wouldn't be such a surprise - he has already explicitly stated to my housemate that he doesn't like me and that I am rude. I won't go into detail, mainly because I am entirely fed up of the whole situation, but he isn't exactly the happiest of chappies that I've ever come across. But there we go.

The weather has been beautiful lately. Which most likely explains the upping of mood here. I have been spending time out in our garden (if it can be called such), yet still managing to avoid getting a decent amount of work done. But anyway, I have made a step towards bare-leg dressing for the summer - I am currently wearing a vest, top, shorts, fishnets and my Starkid shoes. The fishnets probably explain the frequent second glances that have been sent my way today. Always been one for turning heads, for whatever reason.

Last week, I spent the morning in Prison. In a sense. I visited with the Gospel Choir I am now an alumni of, to sing and lead worship for their Sunday morning services. It was a great experience, particularly as I have always been interested in Prison work. I would love to be involved in some way, although many people I know aren't so keen on my doing so. Nevertheless, we have been invited back to the Chapel again, and I fully intend on rejoining them again.

Finally, its my mum's birthday! And I wish her a super wonderful day. This explains my current travelling status, I am particularly looking forward to spending a few days with her, and seeing her reaction to her present!

And as my journey continues, I shall end this liminal post.

If you love a woman.

Happy International Women's Day!

Little bit torn, on a national recognition day such as this, as to whether equality between genders is truly being recognised, or whether we're celebrating the difference. I'm aware those are two largely different arguments, but after having watched an article on the Day on BBC's Newsnight, its really rather unclear if feminism is being considered let alone maintaining itself as a fighting force. I fully support celebrating influential and remarkable women, and continuing the fight for equality between men and women - let's be honest, I've no hope of making it in my desired industry if that's not my stance. It worries me that a vast amount of people my age don't understand, let alone support the basic ideas that underpin feminism.

On another note, there's a rather interesting programme on television about the London Underground. If I was more awake, I'd probably stay up and watch it. Unfortunately, I'm ill. So I must concentrate on getting better, as I'm rejoining the choir for a service in the local prison. I've always had an interest in prison work, so this is a real opportunity.

I must go let the cat back in.

Scarlet billows start to spread...

I am really very fond of my name. Very much so.

I know I spell it strangely.

And it rhymes with a rather amusing repertoire of words within the English language.

But it's my name.

And I'm very proud of it.

Cecilia, I'm down on my knees...

Today is a day that should be filled with most useful things.
Should be.

Unfortunately, my bed is far too comfortable and warm for me to want to move too far. That and I would still have to confront the fact that we are now without hot water. Completely. Sometimes I do wonder how landlords can justify to themselves taking such shocking advantages of students. I genuinely wonder how easy it is to sleep at night knowing there is a group of people barely able to live in a house you are being paid to supposedly upkeep to "standard living conditions", let alone complying with legal hazard and health requirements. (Yes, I'm doing my research. Yes, I'm taking this higher.)

Anyway. I shall be spending my evening frolicking about town in a homemade Elle Driver costume - Year 21 is indeed the Year of the Villain. I'm very excited about beginning to plan my birthday do this year. Once again, it falls within deadline season, even better - on my birthday. So we are making a weekend of my birthday celebrations, end of year 2 and this delightful concept called 'freedom' that we currently possess before the literal chaining to laptops that accompanies the DISSERTATION ZONE.

Having said this, I am quite ridiculously excited about starting my dissertation. I have set up a dissertation blog so that I can keep track of everything, and keep ramblings to a minimum elsewhere if I have somewhere to vent on this topic specifically.

Must go and buy hair dye for Gideon-Graves-dressing housemate tonight.

I got my black shades on...

I am absolutely in love with Ray Charles by Chiddy Bang at the moment - fantastic song. I am most looking forward to the summer months at the moment.

This could largely be due to the fact that our heating is still broken. And we are currently water-less. I would complain of this in much finer detail, but lets not get into any complications - you never know who might be trawling the net! To summarise - I am still cold, much as I have been for the past month, and thoroughly looking forward to being able to put the kettle on, have a shower and, surprise surprise, do the washing up. I guess its a testament to the old saying that 'you never know what you've got until its gone'. Right now, I am highly appreciative of having clean, running water and indoor plumbing in this country.

Still trying to get my head around the fact that I am prepping for my dissertation. This is quite bizarre, but also immensely exciting. I sincerely hope I'm not diverted too far from my intended course with it, but at this point - pre-handing in my Major Project Proposal form - I can only speculate. And wear gloves as my fingers are freezing up to the point of losing their typing ability.

I should probably get on with my list of Important Things To Do...

Its effectual. Each and every time.

Argh.
One day things are looking up and wonderful and so exciting.
And the next you're just feeling a bit shit.
I feel like a put such a downer on everything for everyone.
Gosh darn it.

Cheer up you fool and go write your dissertation proposal form.

She doesn't mind.

So much work to be getting on with! And not in an 'I have far too much to do' way! Very exciting, yet I'm still procrastinating. Probably should get out of bed, instead of trying to work in bed.

What larks!

Next to me.

I am aware that I only seem to post on my blog when I am feeling low, pensive or angsty.
There is far more happiness in my world than this writing gives account for.

So here we are.

Good days and bad days.
And all that.

I don't know. Sometimes its just easier to coop myself up and ignore the world for a bit.
Sometimes its just nicer to.
That being said, I am not turning into a hermit.
Space and peace is a luxury to be indulged in at times.

And sometimes this house just gets to be far too much. For me.
Much as it would for anyone.


I need to get on top of my reading.
And I need to do far more writing.
Its there, its ready to go, I'm just not sitting down and picking up a pen.
So laziness is the excuse here really.
Give me two weeks, and I'll be on it.


But for now,
I'm going to go to an unspecified fast food chain, to indulge myself in some fat and carbs,
With a most beautiful friend.

I am a very lucky person.